Pride and Prejudice and Mischief
by Arcane Warrior 2012
Summary: A 'what if' story where all characters act OOC and this leads to the culmination of series of events in a humorous way so that some conflicts will be resolved early and at the same time some new conflicts will be created.
1. Mr Darcy is Mortified

Chapter 1: Mr. Darcy is Mortified

" _Which do you mean?" and turning round he looked for a moment at Elizabeth catching her eye, he withdrew his own and coldly said: "She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me; and I am in no humour to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting your time with me" – Pride and Prejudice_

On hearing this myriad of thoughts passed through Elizabeth's mind, but foremost was curiosity.

She rose and walked towards Mr. Darcy, went past him, turned around and looked squarely into his eyes, and smiled, a mischievous smile. Before a perplexed Darcy could come to an understanding of what was about to happen, he was deep in the trap, with no way out.

Mr. Darcy looked in surprise as Elizabeth addressed him, "We have not been introduced, sir, and I do know it is beyond your fastidious sense of honour, and also veritable dictate of our society too, that a person can't introduce himself to superiors let alone a woman like myself. Yet, since I'm worth not a consequence and I'm one who has already been slighted by almost every man, so it won't constitute a breach in the propriety if I may ask you a question."

Darcy was mortified and was at loss for word, he gathered his thoughts and started speaking, "Miss..." he paused and thought ' _Oh what is her name, did I know or remember her name, I should have listened more carefully when her mother was introducing her to me', not finding any in memory he continued_ _"_ ahem, I'm heartily sorry... ." But he was cut off in middle of his sentence by a curious Elizabeth.

"I'm not asking for apology sir, I am just curious and I have a question. Do you have a scale to measure attractiveness, if it is, where did you get it? What are different categories? Like I'm tolerable but not handsome enough to tempt, so there must be other categories too. I'm very much interested to find out such life-changing social invention."

"Miss I didn't mean, at least let me explain."

"Of course sir, an explanation should definitely follow, but first you must tell me about categories. What about person present here, sorry I should say women since this scale I think is gender specific, is it not? How about Mrs. Long's niece, and Miss Bingley, you can even include my mother she will be pleasantly surprised to be included in the evaluation, no matter what category she gets. There is no need to include Jane she is in the category handsome as you already mentioned. We have deduced two categories now, come, sir, you must say something, there must be more than two categories."

Now Darcy couldn't even form a coherent thought, his palms were sweating and he was cursing the moment he spoke with Bingley, he was cursing Bingley as well for goading him, his decision to come to assembly due to Miss Bingley's insistence to stay back with him at Netherfield, and even Bingley's decision to lease Netherfield at first place.

He knew no amount of apology will dissuade this spirited, lively, witty, stubborn girl with a pair of fine eyes from berating him. ' _Fine eyes? Wait! Where did this thought come from?'_ This gave him courage and he mused 'W _ell, two can play this game_.'

"Indeed you are right Miss, there are five such categories, this scientific scale has been designed by the members of the Secret Society of Social Sciences for both men and women, after coming to consensus, and before you accuse me of lack of women representation, all members of society did consult with women in their family, who in turn discussed with women employee in household, who in turn discussed with women in their respective villages and in cities. So, you see women have proper representation in this scaling."

"One might say, sir, that, men are the ones who are underrepresented, I'm surprised women don't have the franchise but they at least have indirect representation in the decision making of such august Society."

"Fear not for men Miss, since members of that society are best minds among men, they thought themselves capable enough for such a scientific endeavour where men's scaling was concerned."

"Now to answer your question about scale for women, there are five such categories for women, first 'Handsome' here is your sister Jane, second 'Tolerable but handsome enough' no one here, third 'Tolerable but not handsome enough to tempt' most of the women here and I made the gravest mistake to include you there, fourth 'Not tolerable' are young girls here running around with no care, and fifth and last 'Intolerable' Miss Bingley."

Mr. Darcy had the teasing tone all through his speech and then gave a mischievous wink at the intolerable part. He then continued with all solemnity and contrition "I won't grade any old matron or married women even in a jest because that is against my principles, I have committed a great mistake and given the greatest insult, for which I'm heartily ashamed but I'm not a cruel or unfeeling man".

She was moved by his words and she also realized instead of rising to her bait, he played along and he did give some more insult while explaining but teasing glint in his eyes told her he didn't really mean those words. For young girls running around, she too was sometimes exasperated and for Miss Bingley lesser said was better, as her own observation of that lady was similar to Darcy's opinion.

"Where will you keep yourself, sir, in the same scaling for men?"

Mr. Darcy looked at her with deep intensity and feeling and replied "There is the sixth scale for me, 'Intolerable Fool' who almost lost one chance at true happiness'"

Elizabeth was silent, now it was her turn to be at loss for words, she couldn't mistake his meaning.

She blushed and in low voice asked, "You said the way you scaled me was the gravest mistake. Where will you put me now on that scale?"

"There is the sixth scale for you, miss 'Exceptionally handsome and witty'."

She looked into his dark eyes, warm and full of emotion, and gave a true heartfelt smile and said, "Miss Elizabeth Bennet" and curtsied.

Mr. Darcy looked for a moment and then understanding dawned on him and he replied, "Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, at your service" and bowed to her.

He then asked, "If you are free may I apply for supper set Miss Elizabeth."

"You may sir" and then Elizabeth gave him a teasing smile and said, "You sir belong to the seventh category, 'Intolerably handsome and intelligent.'"


	2. Besotted Bingley and Deceptive Hurst

Chapter 2: Besotted Bingley and Deceptive Hurst

" _Well I have not met pleasanter peoples or prettier girls in my life" – Mr. Bingley, Pride and Prejudice_

After, such an argument with Miss. Elizabeth Bennet and its pleasant resolution, Mr. Darcy had a lot to think on the way back to Netherfield, and so on Bingley's statement he held back his usual judgmental retort and replied, "yes they are good sorts of people and they are worth knowing and Miss Jane Bennet is handsome and kind".

He realised his propensity to hurt others because of his selfishness of station. _'Like anywhere else, there were some intelligent people, some kind, some good, some fools, and even some fortune hunters but it was not his place to judge._ _He would be cordial if not overtly friendly like Bingley'_ he thought to himself.

Miss Bingley was alarmed at such a statement from Mr. Darcy, she had seen Mr. Darcy dancing supper set with Miss Elizabeth Bennet, and wanted to confirm that he has not fallen in love like his brother, but before she could say something, Mr. Bingley continued.

"Admit it, Darcy, she is an angel"

Caroline interjected, "I hear Miss Eliza being described as" but she couldn't finish her sentence.

"She has the bluest eye, as blue as the ocean and her golden flecks, shiny as silk, if one looks in her eyes he feels so content he may as well be lost to the world." Bingley was now smiling to himself like a besotted fool.

After such a declaration, there was nothing but silence in the sitting room.

Mr. Darcy was silent and seriously looking at his friend as if he was meeting him for the first time. _'I've never seen this much besotted Bingley, I must talk to Elizabeth about Miss Bennet's feeling.'_

Bingley sisters were alarmed, though neither Mrs. Hurst nor Miss Bingley had yet communicated their desire to know Miss Bennet, but in both their minds they were conflicted whether to keep Miss Jane Bennet as far away from their brother as possible or to know her more and gain some information from her, so that they can disparage her.

Even Mr. Hurst awoke and said, "Has Charles been drinking my share of port?"

Everyone was surprised except for Charles who was still woolgathering, they all thought at the same time, _'wasn't Hurst sleeping?'_

As if he had read their mind, and on seeing his wife's and her sister's glare he hesitatingly said, "I nap you know, I don't sleep, sometimes I do hear things"

 _'Just because I am a drunkard and glutton, doesn't mean I'm lacking in wit, I save my energy for a real piece of the morsel, or I should say fun, and for rest, I pretend to sleep, Bingley has provided me with the most diverting performance today.'_ Mr. Hurst thought.

Louisa Hurst was troubled, she asked to herself, how much Mr. Hurst actually listened when he pretended to sleep or had a so-called nap? But as he had never used such information against her, she thought better of it and let it drop.

Mr. Hurst was now enjoying himself, he thought, _'oh! You didn't know how diverting it was to hear all kinds of conversations without making an effort to it; sometimes even Shakespearean drama failed in front of it. But Bingley's declaration today was enough to awaken one from drunken stupor; that was rich.'_

Finally, Mr. Darcy called out to Mr. Bingley, "Bingley, did you drink more than your fill... Bingley!"

Broken from his reverie Bingley said, "Yes Darcy".

"I asked did you drink more than usual at assembly"

"Yes, I drank from the depth of the pair of blue eyes, so blue."

Miss Bingley arose and addressed to the room, "Perhaps we should all retire for the night". She was in the middle of her worst nightmare, _'I have a distant feeling I have surely lost my brother and I may as well lose Mr. Darcy, I have to act soon.'_

Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley left first. Darcy nudged Bingley and both went upstairs to their respective rooms

Mr. Hurst had the last words to himself, "Yes, I was right, he has been drinking my share of port."


	3. Caroline Makes Fool of Herself

**Chapter 3: Caroline Makes Fool of Herself**

" _You observed it, Mr. Darcy, I am sure," said Miss Bingley; "and I am inclined to think that you would not wish to see your sister make such an exhibition." – Pride and Prejudice_

"Certainly not" replied Mr. Darcy, "but she has resources at her disposal."

He thought to himself _'It was good that Elizabeth explained her predicament that horses were today in the field and that she was embarrassed by her mother's machinations of yesterday which precluded Jane's use of the carriage. I wouldn't think ill of her or Miss Bennet, for some ill-conceived notion of their mother, and sisterly devotion of Elizabeth. Had Georgiana been ill, I would have rushed across the country over horseback splattering dirt and mud all over my body.'_

He paused and realized ' _I never thought this way ever, perhaps that confrontation at the assembly was necessary.'_

Miss Bingley didn't know what to say to this, still, she continued to disparage Miss Elizabeth on her walking and dirty clothes, Mr. Bingley promptly came to her defense and at this point, Miss Bingley addressed Mr. Darcy.

"I am afraid, Mr. Darcy, that this adventure has rather affected your admiration of her fine eyes."

"Not at all," he replied; "they were brightened by the exercise. In fact, it added a glow to her complexion." _Darcy you idiot what happened to not admitting your admiration in front of Bingley sisters, first Lucas' lodge and then this.'_

Even Mrs. Hurst couldn't frame a sentence this time.

 ** _Two Days Later_**

Caroline Bingley was incensed, nothing has gone as she expected, and Mr. Darcy and Miss Eliza were usually arguing whenever they had a conversation, but both had teasing glints in their eyes and Miss Eliza blushed some of the times.

 _'What was happening in their arguments? How come one blush in middle or after an argument?'_.

She then remembered the argument in evening two days before.

'" _People who don't know you would have thought your defect is the propensity to hate everybody," said Miss Eliza.'_

'" _And yours, some would have thought" he replied with a smile "is wilfully to misunderstand them."'_

' _Then Mr. Darcy continued, "However in recent future, I think I'll have every reason to be more prideful"'_

' _And then Miss Eliza blushed, why was she blushing, was she embarrassed? No, she didn't look embarrassed instead she looked playful and hopeful and, Mr. Darcy also looked same. What were they saying, "some would have thought" Who are some, who would have thought, does Mr. Darcy and Miss Eliza know each other so well.'_

"I will decipher it and take Mr. Darcy away from clutches of that chit Eliza" muttered Miss Bingley to herself.

 _But I'm getting no help from any quarter, I enumerated all of my accomplishments and I bet Miss Eliza has none of them and yet all Mr. Darcy had to say something about the improvement of mind by extensive reading, and Miss Eliza bestowed him a brilliant smile, before giving a teasing reply._

 _Mr. Darcy did say something, what was that? That he knows only very few exceptionally accomplished women, and then he shared a secret smile with Miss Eliza, oh I'm not such a fool, that was definitely a secret smile._

 _Next morning when her mother came I thought her mother and sisters would make a spectacle of themselves, and they did make to some extent, but not exactly what I expected, and Mrs. Bennet deferred to Mr. Darcy. The audacity of that woman to say, Mr. Darcy would prefer this county to the city, why would he? Why was Miss Eliza embarrassed and Mr. Darcy blushing? As if all this was not enough, my dear brother promised a ball.'_

"Now I've to host a ball in which both Bennet sisters will triumph at my expense, no I won't let that happen. I will expose their ridiculous family but before that, I've to make an impression on Mr. Darcy" cried Miss Bingley.

A few moments later Mr. Darcy came to the garden, grasping on opportunity Miss Bingley walked towards him greeted him and quickly engaged his arm. They were walking in shrubbery and she tried to remind him failings of Miss Eliza and her family but his reply left her unsatisfied.

At that moment they were met from another walk by Mrs. Hurst and Elizabeth herself. Mrs. Hurst disengaged from Elizabeth and just then Miss Bingley had a thought.

 _'Perhaps this is an opportunity, to show my accomplishment in walking, and then I'll see whose fine eyes and complexion he admires._ _I have rarely been given a chance to show how accomplished walker I'm.'_

Miss Bingley interrupted Mrs. Hurst and said, "We should all better go to the avenue."

Mr. Darcy thought, _'I was about to say about the avenue.'_

Once on avenue Miss Bingley became relentless, in spite of all opposition from Mr. Darcy and Mrs. Hurst she dragged them towards fields, enumerating all the benefits of such an invigorating walk, and then she noticed a stile between fence, she thought to herself _'I shall climb over it and ask Mr. Darcy to hold me, he will definitely notice my fine eyes and complexion then.'_

Miss Bingley climbed over stile and turned back to celebrate her victory over Miss Eliza, 'who is better walker now Miss Eliza' she thought to herself.

Mr. Darcy said, "Miss Bingley I think you shouldn't."

Mrs. Hurst and Miss Eliza were at the fast pace and coming towards them and Mrs. Hurst was shouting, "Caroline, you will fall".

 _'Why is Louisa shouting'_ and then reality dawned over her, her step was caught in her gown and she was falling, Mr. Darcy was on opposite side, there was nothing, her eyes went wide in horror when she fell face down in a puddle of mud, splattering it all over herself.

Louisa was at her side and Mr. Darcy on other, they both helped her stand. Mr. Darcy said, "Mrs. Hurst I think you should accompany Miss Bingley back to the manor."

A few minutes later an angry Louisa asked Miss Bingley, "Caroline what were you thinking, running over mud and climbing stile."

"I wanted Mr. Darcy to notice my fine eyes and complexion as well."

"Yes he did notice what a fool you are, and he did also notice very dark eyes as well as a dress, both covered in mud, and a very muddy complexion. You have made a spectacle of yourself Caroline."


	4. Mr Wickham Propositions

**A/N This chapter has an OOC portrayal of Mrs. Phillips, which may not be acceptable to all but for the sake of Mischief, I wrote her this way.**

 **Chapter 4: Mr. Wickham Propositions**

" _This is quite shocking! He deserves to be publicly disgraced."_

" _Some time or other he will be-but it shall not be by me. Till I can forget his father, I can never defy or expose him." - Pride and Prejudice_

 **Evening at Phillips' House**

' _And you are doing the same at this very moment.'_ Elizabeth thought to herself. Yet she didn't interrupt him, she wanted to hear how far this Mr. Wickham would spurn lies about her Fitzwilliam _'since when I started thinking him as my Fitzwilliam?'_ , she knew enough of Mr. Darcy's character to know he was a man of honour and she also knew the whole truth as Mr. Darcy shared it with her this morning.

 **Same day morning at Oakham Mount**

"Good morning Miss Elizabeth."

"Good Morning Mr. Darcy."

"We meet again Miss Elizabeth."

"You have become quite a denizen of Oakham mount ever since I told you about my favourite paths."

"Indeed Miss Elizabeth," said Mr. Darcy offering her his arm, "Shall We?"

After walking for some time Mr. Darcy noticed Elizabeth was somewhat uncomfortable. He asked, "Is something the matter, Miss Elizabeth."

"Yes, Mr. Darcy, yesterday you had to leave but you promised to tell all of your history with Mr. Wickham, why you were so angry on seeing him and why you insisted on escorting us back to Longbourn?"

Mr. Darcy narrated whole of his life history with Mr. Wickham, leaving no chapter upturned. Elizabeth was incensed and red with anger; Mr. Darcy cautioned her not to confront Mr. Wickham but allowed her to share with her father the part about living and Wickham's propensity to gamble, leaving unpaid debt and meddling with young women. He also said he would talk to Wickham's commanding officer today and ensure he won't cause any trouble here.

Little did both know that next morning Mr. Wickham was about to write his own downfall in a most peculiar way.

Colonel Forster listened to Mr. Wickham's follies and history of Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham except for the part about Miss Darcy. He promised Mr. Darcy that he would keep an eye on him, alert other officers and merchant and also give a stern warning to him tomorrow morning.

 **Next day morning, at a street in Meryton**

Mr. Wickham was walking on a street of Meryton with a disappointed face, he was surprised when Colonel Forster summoned him into his office and his surprise changed into astonishment when Colonel warned him, that he was in full knowledge of his character and he won't allow him to harm anyone, merchant or a young girl.

' _How could have this happened, how could Darcy tell him, he prided himself to keep such concern private and also he wouldn't drag Georgiana's name.'_ However, Wickham knew that was an empty threat; if he opened his mouth about Georgiana he would surely lose his life.

' _Darcy didn't even say a word to Elizabeth, otherwise how could have she listened to my whole story with such sympathy. No someone else mentioned it to Colonel Forster, but who?'_

With these thoughts he met Mrs. Phillips, who almost collided with him, he apologised and Mrs. Phillips always in need of new gossip invited him to tea.

Mr. Wickham sat at Mrs. Phillips parlour with her, and her housekeeper sat at another corner of the room.

' _Well if I can get some information about Miss Elizabeth it will make my task easier to win and seduce her. I've noticed Darcy's interest in her, but he is too proud to tell her the truth, and Miss Elizabeth believes my tale, I only need little more effort to have my revenge on Darcy and this aunt of hers will surely be a much-needed help. She looks like a silly woman, I shall play with her vanity, and she will herself tell all that is needed about Miss Elizabeth. I need to find out if she is alone sometimes out of her home._

"Mrs. Phillips, I must thank you again for such a wonderful company of you and your nieces yesterday evening, officers of the militia are not always cordially received. I also must congratulate you on being such a wonderful hostess."

"Why thank you, Mr. Wickham. I always have respect and admiration for the men in red coats, and to share the truth I even fancied them in my youth." Mrs. Phillips was beaming with pride and fanning herself.

"I have the good fortune to become acquainted with your lovely nieces, especially Miss Elizabeth she is all lovely and graceful, and she must take after your sister in beauty."

Mr. Wickham didn't know Mrs. Phillips as silly she was, did feel a competition with Mrs. Bennet for beauty. She never voiced this in public but now when Mr. Wickham was equating both their beauty she couldn't keep silent.

"Yes my sister was quite a beauty in youth but she never held a candle to me."

Mr. Wickham was alarmed he couldn't anger her without knowing more about Miss Elizabeth. _'I shall praise her beauty more than Mrs. Bennet's, but I have not met Mrs. Bennet yet. How will she know! I will just tell a lie that I met Mrs. Bennet yesterday morning after meeting Bennet girls.'_

"Indeed Mrs. Phillips, I've met your sister too and between two of you, no one can mistake that you are an epitome of beauty and grace. Your niece must derive her gracefulness from you." After a pause, he said, "I hope she also shares your respect and admiration of red coats."

Mr. Wickham was asking about Miss Elizabeth, but Mrs. Phillips sailing on a storm of vanity and jealousy thought he was asking about Mrs. Bennet. She wanted to find out the truth.

"Indeed Mr. Wickham she does too." Mrs. Phillips replied with a slight suggestive voice to her tone, "Why do you ask, dare I say you feel an attachment."

Wickham was very happy how easily he has convinced Mrs. Phillips.

"If I may be so bold to accept, indeed I have, and I would like to ask, does she comes here often in Meryton or does she walks around Longbourn, I feel she is kind of woman who enjoys nature." He thought to himself _'Well I'm not entirely sure whether Miss Elizabeth enjoys nature or not, but there is a possibility she does, I only need to know her habit and usual paths'._

' _Fanny got herself a redcoat at this age when all I've is to be saddled with Mr. Phillips, and Wickham is so besotted that he is planning an assignation. But he did accept I'm more beautiful than her, I must give him hints or, yet better I must set an assignation and come myself alone. It will be wonderful. Oh! He is such a handsome man'_ and with these thoughts of Mrs. Phillips, Wickham's fate was sealed and his misfortunes began.

At that moment Mrs. Phillips asked her housekeeper to monitor what was going on in the kitchen and to inform the cook she might invite some officers in evening for dinner. After the housekeeper left she turned to Mr. Wickham and gave him a wicked smile and said, "Why Mr. Wickham, if you fancy her I can arrange a meeting between you two."

"No Mrs. Phillips I just asked about her habits."

"Come now Mr. Wickham were not you planning to meet her alone. It is alright but you must remember I'm still more beautiful."

"Indeed you are, madam, and I heartily agree." _'She more beautiful than Elizabeth, darn it she is silly, I must keep feeding her vanity.'_

"What do you say Mr. Wickham, since you want to meet her alone, we may also have a little dalliance here in the bedroom above stairs."

Now Wickham was alarmed, _'what did she say? Is this silly old woman out of her mind'_

"You are mistaken; I'll do no such thing with you. Are you out of your mind? You silly old woman."

Those were very wrong choice of words for Mr. Wickham.

' _He fancies Fanny and calls me silly old woman, I'll never let his plans come to fruition'_ with these thoughts Mrs, Phillips shouted at top of her voice to her housekeeper, her cook and her servant, "Mrs. Frances, Mrs. David, Tom, come here at once, Frances, David." They all arrived at same time.

Wickham was at wit's end to understand what was happening, and then he heard the words which would make him never to return to Meryton.

"This man here has propositioned me; he also propositioned my sister Mrs. Bennet, such a wolf in sheep's clothing. Tom restraint him, and call Mr. Phillips from office."

Wickham was now afraid before that burly Tom could reach him; he overturned the table and ran out of the door. With Colonel Forster in full knowledge of all of his misdeeds, he knew no one would believe his innocence in the matter and he would most likely be flogged or dismissed with disgrace. He ran to the stable of a nearby inn, stole a horse and rode as fast as possible, away from Meryton and its mad inhabitants.

On way to London a thought came to Wickham's mind, _'I will fear for desertion later, most probably since I deserted without any debts or any actual indiscretion, no one will give an immediate chase. I will dispose of the horse at first possibility and hid myself in the darkest ally of London where even Darcy will not be able to find me and after that, I will arrange howsoever I can, to leave for the new world. I have deserted and I have no leverage to deal with anyone, I must flee this country.'_

Back in Meryton, Mr. Phillips came home, his wife has created such a ruckus that he had to call Colonel Forster. Mrs. Phillips narrated her ordeal with all tears and cries she could muster, she didn't have good memory or intellect to weave a tale, so she said how Wickham propositioned Mrs. Bennet too yesterday evening at her home. She accidentally forgot that Mrs. Bennet didn't come to the card party.

Since this news travelled so fast from servant to servant, from shop to shop that significant details were told, retold, gossiped and condemned. But having known both sisters all their life and never knowing any indiscretions from them except some silliness, the populace of Meryton exonerated both and put all blame on the head of that dastardly Mr. Wickham, who had the gall to proposition women old enough to be his mother. Colonel Forster also took measure to spread information about the bad character of Mr. Wickham and he too, put all fault on his head.

 **Meanwhile at Longbourn**

Even when things turn in the best way, they can get awry for some people. Such was the fate of our dear Mr. Bennet. His wife had the great misfortune to hear the initial version from her maid Sarah who heard it from Tom, that it was being gossiped about that she has been propositioned by Mr. Wickham at Phillips' house. She too in her distress accidentally forgot that she was absent at Phillips' card party.

So, at the same time when Mr. Phillips was recovering from a severe headache after day's event, at Longbourn another ruckus was being created by Mrs. Bennet which would cause even more severe headache to Mr. Bennet.


	5. Mr Bennet and His Poor Nerves

**Mr Bennet and His Poor Nerves**

Longbourn was in an uproar. No one knew Mrs Bennet, in spite of suffering from poor nerves, possessed such a will.

She harangued all of her daughters, housekeeper Mrs Hill, cook and even maid Sarah, but most of all she tortured Mr Bennet.

 **Few Hours Before, In Afternoon**

Mrs Bennet's eyes were as wide as the saucer and since Sarah began her narration, Mrs Bennet neither had any fits of nerves nor did she have any word to speak.

As soon as she stopped speaking, Mrs Bennet asked, "Is it true?"

"Yes, it is, madam, Mrs Phillips herself said so" replied Sarah.

For the first time in her life, Mrs Bennet was more afraid of something other than Mr Bennet's death and to be thrown into hedgerows.

She cried, "Oh! Mr Bennet, we are all ruined" and ran from her bedroom to Mr Bennet's study.

Mr Bennet heard voices from his house, which were increasing in intensity with time. Then, he heard a distinct, 'We are all ruined' cry of Mrs Bennet. He chuckled and awaited the amusement that lied ahead.

But he witnessed what he had not seen in his four and twenty years of married life. Mrs Bennet threw open doors of his study without even knocking. This singular event had never occurred before. He realized whatever caused distress to Mrs Bennet was indeed significant, but he didn't know at that moment, how much distress that same event will soon cause him.

"Mr Bennet we are all ruined, Mr Wickham has propositioned me and this news is all over town, oh! Mr Bennet, you must defend my honour."

Mr Bennet was shocked to the core, Mr Wickham had propositioned his wife, and it was unfathomable. He did listen to Elizabeth when she shared intelligence about Mr Wickham's perfidies, and he had already forbidden his daughters to keep any contact with him or any other officer of the militia. But never would he have thought, Wickham, to be in such a want of principles. He spoke in his most serious and commanding voice.

"Calm down Mrs Bennet, and tell me when did Wickham speak to you."

"Oh! Mr Bennet" cried Mrs Bennet and wailed severely.

"Mrs Bennet until you tell me the facts, I can take no action. Now tell me, when he met you?"

"Everyone in town is saying he met me yesterday at Mrs Phillips's card party."

Mr Bennet passed for a moment.

"But Mrs Bennet you were at Longbourn yesterday and not at Phillips's house."

"Of course, I wasn't Mr Bennet, but Mr Wickham had propositioned me there."

"What tomfoolery is this, how can Wickham, proposition an absent person, perhaps I have been asking my silly wife wrong questions." Mr Bennet murmured to himself.

"Mrs Bennet, when did you last meet Mr Wickham?"

"I did not meet him, Mr Bennet, he met our daughters and Mr Collins, a day before yesterday in Meryton and then again, yesterday evening at Phillips's card party."

"So, you are saying, you never met Mr Wickham and Mr Wickham never met you."

"Why, yes Mr Bennet."

"Then, tell me, Mrs Bennet, how he could have propositioned you?"

Mrs Bennet cried again and said, "Everyone in Meryton is saying it happened at Phillips's house Mr Bennet."

Mr Bennet now knew some gross misunderstanding or some worst sort of mischief was afoot, but he decided to act, his silly wife might be put out by this unfounded rumour but it reflected badly on his family

"There there Mrs Bennet, I will go to Meryton and tell everyone concerned that you were at Longbourn, that day and yesterday as well, I'll talk to Colonel Forster too. My cousin Mr Collins and our daughters will vouch for your presence at Longbourn. Now stop crying, Mrs Bennet."

"Yes, yes Mr Bennet, you should do so, and then you should chase after Mr Wickham, he must have gone to London, you must find him and call him out to defend my honour. And you must not allow him to kill you; else we will all end up in hedgerows."

Mrs Bennet continued in same vain and Mr Bennet began to experience something novel, something he couldn't define and then he realised this must be nerves after all.

Sarah had shared her information with two eldest Miss Bennets as well, and Elizabeth was thoughtful enough to send Kitty and Lydia to their rooms, both were more than willing to comply, to escape from their mother's incessant crying and complaining.

Elizabeth and Jane came to their father's study and heard what Mrs Bennet had spoken at the end.

Elizabeth on seeing his father's distress and knowing half of it was due to her mother, tried to divert her mother's attention, "Mama, there is nothing to worry, let papa take care of the matters" and she nodded to Jane, who left to look for Mrs Hill.

"How can you say such a thing, Miss Lizzy? If your father will not fight Mr Wickham, we all will be ruined and no one will marry any of you. Mr Bingley will leave Jane heartbroken and nothing can come out of Mr Darcy's dance with you at the assembly, and you all will die old maids."

Jane meanwhile came back with Mrs Hill.

"Come, Mama, come to your bedroom, we shall escort you, there is a tea for you to soothe your nerves and calm you" she soothed her and guided her to her bedroom.

"Yes, my dear Jane, how you take care of me, oh! My poor nerves, oh! Mr Bennet."

Elizabeth turned to his father, "Papa!"

"Say nothing Lizzy, I may too soon have a fit of nerves, I do sound like your mother don't I? I always prided myself to be a connoisseur of human folly, but this whole rigmarole is beyond my comprehension. If that worthless Wickham comes in front of me at this moment, I won't give a second thought throttling that idiot, he caused me something I never thought was possible, he caused me a fit of nerves. I must leave now for Meryton and Lizzy don't be too liberal with laudanum in your mother's tea, though your mother is always certain of my early demise, I won't risk that for her even by accident."

"Papa you must not say so."

"Come, my dear girl let your father jest at least for a while; it helps fight this severe headache. Off you go now, take care of your sisters and your mother, now that she is calm she will soon add elegance to our misfortunes."

 **Meryton**

"I must say, Bennet, from all the troubles we faced today; we really married two silliest sisters two decades ago."

"Say no more Phillips, there is no turning back curd to milk, and right now all I want to sleep off my headache and nerves. Wait! Did I say nerves again? ... Ahh! I will shoot Wickham dead; I'll even spare two, three bullets on him for free."

"It is alright now Bennet, rumour is contained, everyone already believed our version, it seems our wives made the mountain out of a molehill, go home now."

 **Longbourn**

Elizabeth had asked Mrs Hill to inform her of Mr Bennet's arrival. Mrs Hill did so immediately, but the fact that Elizabeth was sitting in her mother's chamber added a bit more drama to misfortunes of Mr Bennet.

Mrs Bennet noticed her leaving and cried, "where is that ungrateful child going, doesn't she has any compassion for my poor nerves?"

Then, realisation dawned on her and she became agitated and started moving in her bed, "Mr Bennet is come, that is why Lizzy ran downstairs, I must see him, he must have called Wickham to duel, oh! Jane my faintness is coming upon me again, my salts!"

Jane gave her salts and held her hand to calm her.

In the study, both Elizabeth and Mr Bennet listened to her tirade. Mr Bennet looked at her and turned to the window and spoke, "not now Lizzy, I'll only say the rumour is baseless and no one believes it, Wickham has deserted and is on run, and I may as well be fit for the Bedlam."

Elizabeth understood and turned to leave, but stopped when Mr Bennet spoke again looking out of the window.

"Lizzy forget what I said earlier, you can use a little bit more laudanum in Mrs Bennet's tea and a little bit for me too so that at least I can get some sleep."


End file.
